I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My vagina just clenched in fear
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
