My nipple is on Facebook.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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