I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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