overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
