He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
