I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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