Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
