Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
