Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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