plz talk dirty to me
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
