I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
