i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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