it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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