Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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