Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
