I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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