Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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