I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
love makes seman taste better
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
