He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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