I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
where are you?
Hypothermia
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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