i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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