Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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