Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
as a side note pls kill me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
