Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
