Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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