someone threw a dead crab at me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
