I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
