12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
