Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
