I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
