it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
