walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
