the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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