Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We are all done wearing pants today
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
