forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
40s are totally the cure
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
