Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I love having hate sex.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
