Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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