hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
