The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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