Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
