Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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