Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
