if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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