she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
