he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have aggressive nipples.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
