Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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