I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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