My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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