I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
