It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
