Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
