giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
