Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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