I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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