If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
