East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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