No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
