hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
