I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
