like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
