She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
