I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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