I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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