I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
