Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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