I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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