the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
