My first STD was from a foam party
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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