I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
