she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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