Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
