We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
