you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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