So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
