Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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