I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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