Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
people are starting to question the shark bite story
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i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
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We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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