Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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