listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
